Thursday, March 31, 2011

The dead does come alive!!

This dead blog is coming alive.. and for the right reasons.. This blog was born so I could vent my frustration out and this is exactly why this page is getting a second (or, maybe third) life.

After working for almost 7 years, do you ever feel like you've just wasted 7 years of your life? That's exactly how I am feeling right now. Yes, after 7 long years of working with my company, I feel wasted. I feel used. I feel abused. I feel I have been taken advantage of. I feel cheated. :(

After many discussions with the management, I was happy with what I was promised. I was looking forward to getting what was discussed. It wasn't much but it was still what I was fighting for all these years. I felt victorious. I could smell victory. I had managed to convince the management that I was due for a big raise, both in the designation and the financials. Finally, it was to come true. Or, at least, that's what I was thinking.

11th March 2011, the management called a SOS meeting with all the leads in the department. Yes, I am still just a lead in the department. I entered the room a little late. The India Head was talking. It did not take me long to realize that it's not good news. I started listening to what the Head was saying.

Head: I've got news from the top management. India has done very well as a unit in 2010. However, the company hasn't done well on the whole. So, the appraisal letters won't be coming in on April 1st.

Everyone were quiet. No one said anything but I am sure they'd had said to themselves that this is usual of our company. The letter are always delayed. But, when the Head continued speaking, we all knew it was more than just that.

Head: Before you ask me your questions, I will ask them on your behalf. Are the letters just delayed? As in, we'll be getting the letters later, right? The answer is I don't know.

I could see people's jaw dropping. I could not believe what I just heard.

Head: Will a financial appraisal happen this year? I don't know.

Everyone was in a different world. I could not think. I was blank. I suppose everyone else was. Someone realized this was happening, thought, and asked a good question.

"Whenever it happens, will it be effective from 1st of April?"

Head: I don't know.

That was it. All that we heard was "I don't know". How could we accept "I don't know" for an answer to all the questions we had in mind? I think we should have questioned. We had the right to but we didn't. :( Our mistake.

It was a meeting that lasted 3 minutes. In these 3 minutes, I saw people's plan go kaput. I could see marriage plans being postponed. I could see careers breaking. I could see disappointment. I would hear the sound of heart breaking.

Yes, it was heart-breaking. We were all expecting a hike after the disasterous 2009. Everyone had worked hard. The market outside had recovered. Our's apparantly did not.

I am tired. I had only smelt victory. Tasting victory is different. I hadn't tasted victory as yet. I lost. My dreams shattered. The only hope now is to look for opportunities outside. The market is apparantly opening. I may have to give up on being choosy on the designation. I was hoping for a designation change here. Now that it's not happening, I may have to settle for something that I wasn't ready to settle for earlier.

Just got my fingers crossed now. I so want to believe in the old saying "Everything happens for the good." Like this blog, I am dead but I want to be alive soon!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Does the tunnel end here?

I do not know what it is but I seem to have lost all interest in working at my current workplace. I am bored to the core now. I think I can comfortably attribute this to the project I am working on. I have worked on several projects, a few difficult ones too, but never come across a project like this.

I cannot count one thing on this project that I can confidently say is going right. The resources here are bored. The clients do not know what they want. There seems to be infighting at the client side. There is a lot of politics in the team here. The writers are least interested. The management is helpless (or should I aptly say 'clueless'?)

I am lost and I want to find my way out. There are 2 ways out; one, move a different project within the same organization or two, move to a different organization. With the current market situation, both these ways out are difficult. Since there aren’t any new project coming in from the US, the chances of getting into another project in the same organization is slim. Also, since the market is so bad, it is not a good time to switch jobs. Never know which company declares bankruptcy or starts to layoff. In both scenarios, the first targets for layoffs are the new joinees.

I am in a fix.I sure cannot live through this project for a month or so more. I will go crazy by the end of it all. I feel helpless. Like they say, there is light at the end of every tunnel, I do not see light yet. Maybe I am not at the end of the tunnel yet. Don't know how far I got to go before I reach the end.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Mumbai Spirit

I am writing after a very long time today and I will not write about work as I usually do. I have always been using this blog as a place to vent my frustration and anger at work but now I realize that these issues are miniscule in comparison to the lot of other things happening around us all.
The 'latest' attacks on Mumbai seem to have shattered the famous "Mumbai Spirit" and I am glad it did. This "Chalta hai. Ho gaya" attitude of Mumbai needed to end and I think it just did. There has been a clear difference in the way Mumbaikars have responded to these latest attacks and its a revelation. I would like to let the media take the credit of bringing an end to this sickening attitude. However, I think that this was imbibed into the Mumbaikars by the media a long time back. Anyways, I am glad the media has made up for it now. Better late than never.
These attacks have raised a lot of questions. Questions were raised earlier too but answers were not demanded. This time, the Mumbaikars are demanding answers from the people they have chosen to run the country. And, I am not surprised, our chosen leaders have no good answers to give. I see anger in the eyes of every citizen of the country. There is a lot of angst among the people of the country.
I can still remember Barkha Dutt interview this young survivor from Taj and its going to remain in my mind for a long time to come. This young man was rescued from the Taj on Friday and he had already given an interview to NDTV describing his traumatic experience. On Saturday morning, when the military operations at the 3 locations were called successful, Narendra Modi announced some compensation to those killed in the blasts. Later that evening, Barkha Dutt was interviewing a group of people who had gathered at the Taj with candles to show their grief. This young survivor was in the group. Barkha Dutt spoke to this person and this is what he had to say;
"I was sitting at home and watching the coverage on TV and when I heard Narendra Modi offer compensation, I was furious and I had to come talk to you. What rights does Narendra Modi have to be on the streets offering compensation? Narendra Modi should not have come to the Taj. He should not be here."
I was touched. The young man could hardly talk. He was shaking but he made such a bold statement. The politicians got out of their shells after the state was declared safe and started offering compensations. Who needs the compensations? We need an assurance. We need confidence. Assurance of safety. Confidence of stepping out of the house every morning and being back home safe after a hard day's work.
We need to applaud the media for their coverage of these terror attacks. The media, this time around, has been ruthless and fearless in putting front the truth. The media has been tremendously honest in making public the bitter truths of the politicians. Now that the media has started this, I hope they continue doing so. I would love the media to rip apart these politicians with the questions that a common man has.
I was just talking to a friend and we were thinking of immediately getting our voter's card done so that we can be ready and prepared for the next elections. What flashed my mind next should not have been a surprise to me "Whom do I vote for?". Such is the respect that I have for our politicians now. Whatever the party, Congress, BJP, NCP, Shiv Sena, MNS, I am not sure if I want to vote for any of them. For me, all politicians are the same; irresponsible.
I hope this mindsetof mine changes. I hope someone stands up tall among the crowd of politicians to take on the responsibility. But for now, enough is enough.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Am I the only one?

Yes, this is what this blog has become. A place for me to vent my anger and frustration from work. I don't know if this is healthy but I do not care. I need to get it out of my system and this is where I can do it without causing much complications. Well, hopefully!

Its been about a month today since the project started. One month and about a quarter of the project later, a writer asks me a question the answer to which I have repeated over and over again for the last one month. And this writer comes up with this question now. I am irritated but I am not supposed to show my anger and frustration at work. I am supposed to explain and that is what I did. Its like this joke/comment we had in college "पुरे रामायण सुन ने के बाद पूछता है की राम कौन है." I can very well relate this to the incident today. I kept cool.

Installing a device vs Installing a driver. I wrote about 3 mails to a writer explaining that there is no real difference in installing a driver and installing a device if the driver is for the same device. What you basically are doing is nothing but installing the device when you are installing the driver for it. I was cool again. Exchanged 3 sweet and polite mails with the writer. Yes, I did add a couple of smilies in each mail.

A writer takes off for a vacation without bothering to inform me. I send him a mail and he replies saying that he is on a vacation with his family and will be back in office only next week. Excuse me? Whatever happened to informing your manager about this vacation. Well, this happened last Monday. The writer was to be in office today. I wait for a mail from the writer but when I did not see any till about 11am, I sent a mail asking about the status. An hour later, I see a reply. A one liner "I'm finishing it now and then was planning on sending it to a peer to review before forwarding to you." Ok.. Its 6:40pm now. I haven't seen a mail on whether this document is in peer review. I had another mail out to this writer at about 2:30pm. I asked the writer to let me know when done so that I could assign more work. No reply. What do I do? I have escalated this issue earlier too. My boss says we need to talk about this writer with the person who hired this person. And this "hirer" is out on a vacation.

We are late on this project. Very late. We are about 2 weeks behind schedule. The clients needed an updated schedule by end of today. I work on my long weekend to get a new schedule ready. I get it approved from my boss. However, we both agree it would be a good idea to discuss this with out Account manager. The account manager does not make it to the early morning call we have to discuss the updated schedule. Since, I am the one here, I was asked to forward this to the account manager and get inputs and then send out the schedule to the client. I sent the schedule to the account manager at about 9:30am. 2 mail reminders and a zillion attempts to catch the person online later, the account manager responds at 6pm with suggestions to the schedule. I, then, update the schedule and then send it out to the client and its 6:45pm. My day started at 8 in the morning with a call and I am not sure if I am ready to call it a day as yet. Oh yeah, this story doesn't end here. The person from the client side who asked for this updated schedule by EOD today is OOO till tomorrow morning. So all this hurry and efforts for nothing. The clients are not going to look at this till tomorrow morning.

I spent half the day today explaining comments from the technical reviewer to a writer. It was crazy. Firstly, this writer goes adding content and questions which aren't really helping in making the content any better. Then, the writer needs me to explain every single comment I ask her to reject.

I have come to this conclusion that some people are on this team are only here to follow instructions. They need spoon feeding. It reminds me of this mask thats put over horse's eyes to make sure they see only straight and walk on the right path. This team is similar to a horse with this mask. They walk on the path that has been set but do not think with an open mind. The project requires that the writers have open minds and come up with ideas to present the content in a better way. There are many correct paths for this horse but the trick is to take the path that is most beneficial to all. And this is not easy.

Ok. Am feeling better now. That's it for now.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Fortune cookies

Do you believe in fortune cookies? I do not know if I should believe in them or not. If I go by the last 2 cookies I have broken, I would love to believe them. :)

Life hasn’t been all that great over the last few days. In fact over the last nineteen days, I haven’t been in the best frame of mind. I have been torturing myself by the fact that I am alone in this tiny town with no one to talk to. I am not saying that this is not true anymore. I am not saying that I will not be torturing myself about the thought. I am pretty sure I will. I will, in most probability, continue to torture myself over the fact that I am alone with no one to talk to. I will, in most probably, continue to torture myself over the fact that I have nothing to do after office hours. I will, for sure, continue to torture myself over the fact that I miss the Mumbai office. The people in the Mumbai office are so different. There is a kind of warmth I feel when I am there. I do not feel comfortable here. I need someone to talk to. I have always had someone with me whenever I was in the US. But this time, I am all alone. People here are least interested in making conversation with you. I don’t know what the reason is. Maybe they like this normally. Maybe they not interested in making conversation with an Indian. Maybe they not interested in talking to me because they do not like me as their boss. God alone would know. Maybe there is something that I am doing wrong. Maybe they are waiting for me to make the first move. I have tried but I cannot. I am built that way. :)

Apart from these “public relation” issues, I am facing several other issues like food, conveyance to get around etc. I am not going to crib about it all over again now. I have cribbed enough about it here. Well, I am going to continue cribbing though, maybe not here though. :)

I started this out talking about fortune cookies. The reason being that these fortune cookies are getting me to think positive. This might sound a bit silly or kiddish, but it’s true. I am not saying it has got me to think positive but yeah, it surely brings a smile to my face when I read them. :)

Ever since I've come here, I’ve got 2 fortune cookies. Here’s what they said:
Cookie #1: Your talents will be recognized and rewarded.
Cookie #2: Your path may be difficult, but will be rewarding.
I am trying to relate this to my situation. I am on a difficult path. I am not sure if the path is really difficult or if it’s just me who is making it difficult. But, whatever it is, I will expect a reward at the end of all this. :)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Living in Boise

Today is my seventeenth day in Boise and I can confidently say that this period has been one of the worst in all the 25 years and 6 months of my existence on this planet. I say so for a varied lot of reasons like the work I am here for, the food, the place around the hotel etc. Actually it’s not just about these factors but I have come to believe that staying alone at any place is not easy. But the good thing is that staying all alone in a far country has also taught me a few things.

I am here to manage my first project. And I know how important this project is to my company and to my own personal career. So there is pressure. Pressure to make sure that the project goes good and the customer is happy. What I find difficult to cope with is the fact that I am here managing my first project that has a team full of people I just do not know. I had never met or spoken to these people before. I do not know how each person behaves or reacts to situations. And I am responsible for this team. Also, the team is distributed meaning, some of the team sits in Boise, some in San Diego, and another in Corvallis. This makes it even more difficult. I am not used to the work culture here. Here people come in and leave office whenever they want to. In India, if I am to manage a project, I at least know the team, I know the way people in the team will react to situations, and I know the team members schedule. I know the team comes in at 9:30am and so I can plan accordingly. Here it is difficult to manage this. Moreover, some of the team members are part-time. So they work only for a fixed time per week. I have never managed anything like this before. Apart from all these problems, the usual official politics exist along with a few difficult people.

Moreover, I am not sure of how the project is going. As in, I haven’t really had proper feedback from the customers. From the feedback I am getting on individual documents, I have mixed feelings. Some documents receive great feedback while some receive a hell a lot of changes. So I don’t really know. Hopefully I know soon.

I do not think I am having great food here. The hotel provides complimentary breakfast that I enjoy but after that, it’s a problem. I have been living on packets on maggi and Knoor soup. The Knoor soup sucks. There are a few restaurants around the hotel. There is a pizza place, a deli corner, a steakhouse, and a Chinese place. But I am not too interested in any of this. I end up eating fruits for lunch and some maggi for dinner. Yeah, I do order some Chinese food at times for dinner, but the Chinese food here is nothing like the Chinese food in India.

I do not have a car here which makes it difficult to move around. I wanted to go downtown to see the place since I heard it is much more happening than the place where I stay. But have never been able to get there. Hiring a cab is too expensive since it would take about 60$ from my 45$ per day allowance. Taking the bus is the only option I got. However, the last bus, to and from downtown, departs at 6:35pm and I am out of office only at about 5. This leaves me with no time to actually catch a bus, go downtown, see the place, and then catch the 6:35pm bus from there. So I have been confined to the area around the hotel. The area around the hotel is not bad to spend about 2 days after that there is nothing much that you can do.

After all these hardships, I have come to realize this: I am a person who is too emotional and am very attached my folks. I have been missing them a lot over these past 17 days. I am very happy that I can talk to my folks back home daily. I have been chatting with them daily in the morning. Thanks to technology. :)
Guess I’ll stop cribbing for the day. :) I’ll have more to say as I live through my days in Boise.

Second week in Boise

I am writing from office today. I do not have a lot of work today. Well, at least for now. The project seems to be falling into place now. Every team member has kind of identified the role they play in the team. So I am assuming it should be better off from now.

We did face a few hiccups initially but I guess these are normal with any project. The customer decided to change the scope of the project on Friday and yesterday they gave us new guidelines to follow. I think with the new guidelines, our job is going to be that much easier. Just that we are now going to write for an intermediate audience and this is going to change our approach a lot. We now, do not have to bother about the technical details that we thought the novice user might not understand. We do not need to hand hold the users right from start to end. So that’s cool. :)

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Back in the US

Yes.. I am back in the US aftera year and 7 months. How do I feel coming back? Well.. not too great! But it's ok. Got to live with it. :)
I am in Boise (ID) this time around. Its a pretty place but a "pretty" sad place too. :) Its a nice laidback town and not for a person who's lived most of his life in fast-paced streets of Bombay. Ahh Bombay-Bombay.. I miss you so much.. And yeah.. I miss a lot of other people in Bombay.. I miss my folks back home..I miss my friends.. I miss Krups and Pri in office.. I miss them all.. :(
I did nothing much today. Got up early (this is something that has surprised me in this trip. I seem to be getting up really early). Where is the Tarun I know?? Where is the laziness gone?? Where has the Tarun"ness" gone?? hehe.. I do not like this but I know my parents will. Anyways, someone is happy that I get up early. :) Yeah, so I got up early, spoke to mom and dad..Spoke to friends.. it was afternoon by then.. Had lunch and watched a movie..
I had decided to go to Albertsons today.. I went up there.. Walked up there.. 45 mins walk one way.. but out of nowhere I had this real bad urge to go to Albertsons to day.. So I did.. The route was a bit scary for abt 5 seconds.. There were pavements all the way.. but for those 5 seconds it looked like the shrubs around hadn't been cut in a while.. but I managed to reach Albertsons.. Shopped a bit, got a soda and then walked back home.. Phew! I was tired..
I had shopped for some shrimps and veggies.. I decided to cook them.. Got the veggies cut.. added butter.. put them in the micro and cooked them for a while.. then added the shrimps and cooked again for a while.. It turned out good.. with just a "little" bit of extra salt. :)
And now I am watching this movie "kismet Konnection"..Looks like Iam going to end up watching more hindi movies here than when I was in India.
Alrighty.. am gonna go back to the movie now.. Decided to write this while i was listening to this amazing love song from the movie "BaKhuda".. I think its a great song.. Really nice.. :)
Ok.. songs over.. now back to the movie..Ciao..