The dead does come alive!!

This dead blog is coming alive.. and for the right reasons.. This blog was born so I could vent my frustration out and this is exactly why this page is getting a second (or, maybe third) life.

After working for almost 7 years, do you ever feel like you've just wasted 7 years of your life? That's exactly how I am feeling right now. Yes, after 7 long years of working with my company, I feel wasted. I feel used. I feel abused. I feel I have been taken advantage of. I feel cheated. :(

After many discussions with the management, I was happy with what I was promised. I was looking forward to getting what was discussed. It wasn't much but it was still what I was fighting for all these years. I felt victorious. I could smell victory. I had managed to convince the management that I was due for a big raise, both in the designation and the financials. Finally, it was to come true. Or, at least, that's what I was thinking.

11th March 2011, the management called a SOS meeting with all the leads in the department. Yes, I am still just a lead in the department. I entered the room a little late. The India Head was talking. It did not take me long to realize that it's not good news. I started listening to what the Head was saying.

Head: I've got news from the top management. India has done very well as a unit in 2010. However, the company hasn't done well on the whole. So, the appraisal letters won't be coming in on April 1st.

Everyone were quiet. No one said anything but I am sure they'd had said to themselves that this is usual of our company. The letter are always delayed. But, when the Head continued speaking, we all knew it was more than just that.

Head: Before you ask me your questions, I will ask them on your behalf. Are the letters just delayed? As in, we'll be getting the letters later, right? The answer is I don't know.

I could see people's jaw dropping. I could not believe what I just heard.

Head: Will a financial appraisal happen this year? I don't know.

Everyone was in a different world. I could not think. I was blank. I suppose everyone else was. Someone realized this was happening, thought, and asked a good question.

"Whenever it happens, will it be effective from 1st of April?"

Head: I don't know.

That was it. All that we heard was "I don't know". How could we accept "I don't know" for an answer to all the questions we had in mind? I think we should have questioned. We had the right to but we didn't. :( Our mistake.

It was a meeting that lasted 3 minutes. In these 3 minutes, I saw people's plan go kaput. I could see marriage plans being postponed. I could see careers breaking. I could see disappointment. I would hear the sound of heart breaking.

Yes, it was heart-breaking. We were all expecting a hike after the disasterous 2009. Everyone had worked hard. The market outside had recovered. Our's apparantly did not.

I am tired. I had only smelt victory. Tasting victory is different. I hadn't tasted victory as yet. I lost. My dreams shattered. The only hope now is to look for opportunities outside. The market is apparantly opening. I may have to give up on being choosy on the designation. I was hoping for a designation change here. Now that it's not happening, I may have to settle for something that I wasn't ready to settle for earlier.

Just got my fingers crossed now. I so want to believe in the old saying "Everything happens for the good." Like this blog, I am dead but I want to be alive soon!!